Jenny

Last night, at run club, Jenny told me it was her last day leading the group. It was a bummer to hear, and I'll miss her, but I'm totally happy for her. It is not too often in our lives that we can decide to do something else, leave behind what we are comfortable with, and search out another path. Most of the time we in fact don't have that luxury, we are just told we don't have a job anymore and the best way to console ourselves is to tell ourselves that we have the perfect opportunity to do something completely different. I look forward to hearing about her new adventures, in school, in running, in life. Whether it was a choice we made, or the choice was made for us, it really takes a lot of guts to go out there and find a new passion or a cause, or something different that you want to tackle. Good luck, Jenny!

During our run, she asked me if I had any new year's resolutions. Well, I didn't really make any, but there are some that are always at the back of my mind, like 'run more than once a week', 'run at least one race, a 5k', and of course 'have a cancer free year'. The last one I obviously have no control over, whatsoever. We can live the healthiest lives, but still die from a heart attack, or maybe you get plowed by a car....Things happen for a reason. It may not be apparent what that reason is, but one day things will all start to fit together. Me, I still don't know what my reason is. I still don't know if or when I can be considered clear of my cancer. I'm not even sure how one can be considered clear or in remission if it can come back, and when it does, it is usually an angry cancer.

I'm not too thrilled that it can come back, and it could be years from now if/when that happens. I think once I've been cleared for three to five years in a row, I may actually be able to relax a bit about it. Maybe that is when I'd be able to finally settle down and figure out what my reason is. Sometimes I wish I knew right now, so I can start whatever it is I need to start, or go wherever it is that I am needed. Then I worry how I'd be able to accomplish anything if I had to worry about my follow up ultrasound next week, or my one year body scan in May. No, I shouldn't rush it. But I also should not wait around for things to happen either. I should be like Jenny, and go out there, 'out of my comfort zone' as she put it, and see where my life takes me. So there it is, she leaves me with a bit of inspiration. Thanks, Jenny!