Rock climbing

.... my forearms and fingers are so SORE right now! I did Ok, but there were a few walls I wasn't able to finish. Next time. Hopefully next week!

Added:
I knew rock climbing would be challenging, but I didn't think I'd have a such a hard time getting my legs/arms to do what I wanted them to do to advance further up the wall. Part of it was because I was tired. The first wall I tried was so exhausting, and made me sweat the most. Serena and Magness warned me that I needed to use my legs more than my arms. There is a certain way you need to position your body so you can adequately propel yourself upward, but I found that many times I couldn't manage to do that. I could see the grip where I wanted to place my hand next, but for some reason I couldn't get my legs to get me up there. A bit frustrating. I had to take a few breaks to rest my arms/fingers and figure out the best places to place my feet and legs so I could move up easier. On half of the walls I gave up when I got half way up the wall because either my arms were too tired and/or I couldn't figure out another way up the wall. There was one I tried twice, but couldn't get past the part where the wall went in a slight reverse incline, so I was hanging off the wall a bit.

That's just going up the wall itself. One person remains on the ground to belay the rope for you. That was a process as well. I think by the third time I belayed I finally got the hang of it. A few times it felt just as hard belaying as it was trying to get up the wall!

They say the next time you climb it's a lot easier - the climbing and the belaying. Looking forward to it.

How does my neck look? 8/30/10

I had lunch with a co-worker this afternoon. It was good to see her and catch up. I know, I'll see her in two days at work, but I missed my office visit last month, and we've been trying to go out for lunch since the beginning of the month. Better late than never. Seems somethings at the office have not changed. And it looks like we may be swapping offices with another department. Well, the decision has not been made by the other dept yet, so I guess there is still a chance we will be stuck in that tiny closet of an office a bit longer. Although, my fortune cookie said "You will soon make a change at work", so either that means we move, or maybe the 'annoyance' will be removed?!?

Before I went home I did some shopping. At the last two stores, I caught myself yawning more and more. I didn't think I was doing that much, but when I got home, I ended up falling asleep watching the 6pm news. This was surprising, especially since I managed to get 6 hours of sleep last night. This makes me a little nervous about my first day back at work. What if I need to take a nap at 2pm?!? Or, could this just be me PMS-ing again? I guess I'll know either way later this week.

My rock climbing outing was moved to tomorrow night, so nothing to report about that yet. Still very much looking forward to it. I hope I'm not too sore on Wednesday.

Anyway, when I was getting dressed this morning, I decided to put on my necklace. I took it off the night before my first surgery, almost four months ago. When I look at my neck in the mirror, sometimes my necklace camouflages the scar, but mostly it hangs about 1/3" or so below my scar. Close enough. So what do you think? - how does my neck look?

Things I wanted to do

Have been thinking about the many things that I had hoped to accomplish or do during my time off, in addition to recovering from surgery and just getting over the whole ThyCa thing. I was supposed to:

- Read and work on things mentioned in the "Cancer: 50 Essential Things To Do" book.
- Adapt an anti-cancer diet. This pretty much died after my ENDO said he didn't think it would make a difference for my cancer.
- Reorganize my room. I managed to work on parts of my room, but it's still a pretty big mess!
- Take a relaxing trip. All my money has been going to my medical bills, so I wasn't able to do anything 'nice' for myself
- Get more hours of sleep each day. I am still having problems sleeping for more than 4 or 5 hours each night.
- Have a better attitude about my ThyCa. I actually think I have accomplished this. I still have moments where I break down and cry, but not as often. Depression doesn't help.
- Take on a few different activities, namely rock climbing and capoeira. I'm actually going to get the chance to do the rock climbing tomorrow night! And I can't forget that I actually read a few books (including the Hunger Games trilogy) during and after RAI, so I am starting to enjoy reading (which I normally associate with studying, not entertainment).
- Take better care Frankie, with daily walks and weekly baths. I'm getting there on this one.

I'm a little depressed thinking that I didn't do that much during my time off, but then I remember part of that time my energy was focused on my dad and his health issues. The entire month of May I was dealing with recovery from two surgeries and two ThyCa diagnoses, the scar on my neck, the soreness of my neck and body, the uncertainty, telling my closest friends and a handful of co-workers of my diagnosis. In June I was worried about preparation for RAI and my on-going treatment - meds, blood tests, annual scans....all the things I'd have to incorporate into my life to make sure it doesn't come back, or what to do if it did come back. The beginning of July was consumed with RAI/WBS, isolation, puffy neck, non-glowing pee, having to take thyroid meds for the rest of my life, the Hunger Games books, starting to exercise again. The beginning of August was the closest I got to a vacation since I had family in town, I watched a lot of swimming, had significant worries about my WBS results but all turned out to be Ok. Now, with just two days left of my four months off I'm struggling to hold on to something that tells me I'm normal again, something that proves to me that I didn't squander my time off on self pity/loathing. I'm starting to feel depressed again, but I still don't know if that's me really just being depressed or if I'm starting to PMS again. Things are so not 'normal' yet.

I have been working on my back story for the past four months. People in my personal support group have been giving me ideas of what I should say to people when they ask me where I've been for the past couple of months. It has ranged from giving the most absurd story ('I was attacked by a plastic knife wielding crazy lover, hence the scar, so no I won't be marrying him'), just tell them 'it's none of their damn business', a nicer version would be to tell them 'it was a personal matter and I have a lot of work to catch up on'. I could also say 'I was out for a personal family matter; I used to cover my scar with concealer make up, but in light of the personal stuff going on I decided to stop covering it up'. I could also just tell them that I don't know WTF they are talking about and walk away. My boss told me that if I don't want to talk about it people will understand and respect that. So the last idea just might work.

Regarding the scar itself, everyone tells me they can barely see the scar, but I can see it, and I know it is there, so I have a hard time not paying attention to it. When I look in the mirror, I look right at it every time, I rarely look at my face anymore. How does everyone not see it?!? I know, don't get ahead of myself.... breathe in and out...try not to think too much about it.....

ThyCa group meeting - Aug 26, 2010

Despite the fact that the ThyCa meeting lasted longer than usual, I'm glad I stuck around until it ended. We had four more people attend this evening. One or two had not been to a meeting in a while, and the rest were new to the group. I liked the small meetings, but it is always nice to hear more/different questions from different people. Of course the best part about these meetings is just being about to talk to other people that are going through the same things as myself.

One lady was just diagnosed a few weeks ago. She also found out this month that she has fertility problems, so she isn't planning on having RAI so they can work on starting a family. Wow. That is a lot to have to deal with in a month. She has appts with a few different surgeons, so I hope she finds one that she is comfortable with. We gave her a lot of info and told her about some good experiences and some not so good experiences that members have had with the surgery. Not to scare her, but it's just good info to have. I hope everything works out for her and she doesn't need to have RAI. It is nice that some people don't need to have it, but it was recommended for me due to the fact that I have HCC, yes, despite the fact that HCC doesn't necessarily get killed off by RAI. I still wonder about the wisdom of it, but am very happy that my WBS came back clean.

Interesting:  When I walked in, I learned that our facilitator had to quit. I didn't get all the details, but I was really bummed about that - who would take over for her? Mary and Walt were trying to pass the responsibility to each other, and then to me. I declined it since I'd be coming from downtown and may have problems getting there on time. But after the meeting I started to rethink my decision. I'm not even sure what the duties of the group facilitator is, but it may not be such a bad thing for me to take on. I'm just a little worried about what my work load will be since all my projects have been put on hold since May. But, I do need to take time out for myself (and my cancer), and I do want to get more involved and knowledgeable about my disease, so perhaps this could be a good thing for me if I take on the responsibility as group facilitator.I'll see what they say at the meeting next month.

So much for going to pilates this evening. My ThyCa meeting went to 7:10pm - not enough time to go home and change into my gym clothes. So dinner at Chipotle.

How does my neck look? 8/24/10

I'm free for only one more week. I think today was the day I got to 'escape' from reality since I spent half of the day reading "Mockingjay." I didn't spend a lot of time thinking about my thyca or going back to work next week as I was reading. I'll probably read the book again, slower, to see what I didn't pick up from my first read today.

I don't have too many things planned for this last week. I've got run club tomorrow night, ThyCa meeting and pilates Thursday night, chiro appt and dinner with some neighbors Friday evening. Thinking about getting my hair cut on Saturday. Sunday morning pilates class...some where in there I have to do some clothes shopping as none of my work pants seem to fit me well any more. I've got to take Frankie in for a bath, Saturday, as well. Oh, and I can't forget to have my ENDO sign the form releasing me back to work.

After a day spent in air conditioning reading, how does my neck look?

Mockingjay.....9 hours later I have finished the last book of this trilogy. Despite all the spoilers I read, it was still a riveting story to read. "The Hunger Games."

Hold on, make that 12 hours later. Yes, I'm an incredibly SLOW reader, but I also had to re-read a couple of pages here and there in disbelief of what happened.


Added:
Didn't quite finish it all in one sitting since bodily functions need to be attended to as well as nourishment (does a hot dog combo from Costco and two large decaf sugarfree hazelnut lattes count?). I finally decided to leave Borders before 5pm fearing that I may either be ticketed or towed for being parked there for 8 hours. I managed to finish the book at Starbucks. What can I say? - I needed to know how it ended, so there was no way I was not going to finish the book today. I was riveted, the whole time. In parts of book two, "Catching Fire", I was a bit bored, but the first and last books really had me going.

So, here were my predictions for the book, and how they panned out:

1. Mr Everdeen and Mr. Hawthorne are alive, but are captives of the Capitol, not part of the rebellion. The mining accident was a cover up to remove all D12 rebellion leaders. They have had to watch Katniss participate in both Hunger games, as punishment for being part of the rebellion.  Neither of the fathers were alive, but I still think it would've been brilliant if they were and had to watch Katniss participate in the Hunger Games.
2. Peeta, Johanna, and Enobaria are also captives of the Capitol. Cinna is here too since he is part of the rebellion.  The three victors were captives, well, some how Enobaria was not imprisioned; Cinna was killed during interrogation, I think, before Peeta, Johanna, and Enobaria were captured.
3. Prim and Peeta as tributes were fixed, to get Katniss to volunteer since she's the only one who could survive the games, and Peeta b/c of his voice/speaking skills; together they could help spark the revolution, all without knowing they were doing it.  No mention as to if the reapings were fixed, but the president of D13 wanted to save Peeta before Katniss. But they were both very good at sparking the rebellion without knowing what the plan was.
4. Katniss, Gale, and Finnick go to the Capital to break everyone out, despite being told by Haymitch not to, but she does b/c she's tired of being manipulated by everyone else who has had a hand in the two games she has been in.  Gale goes, both Katniss and Finnick are not strong enough and it'd be too risky to lose Katniss since she is the symbol of the rebellion. She is, however, unhappy about still being manipulated for someone else's games. The rebels have to bust Peeta out because it is clear that Katniss cannot function knowing that he is being tortured by Snow to break her, which it does.
5. Katniss kills President Snow. She kills the president of D13 instead of Snow, but he dies anyway, at just about the same time she kills the other president.
6. Peeta and Gale both die, trying to protect Katniss.  Almost. Both are alive at the end of the book.
7. Katniss ends up with Finnick. Annie is saved along with Peeta and Johanna. Her and Finnick get married in D13. But he dies during the mission to kill Snow.
8. Story ends.....with the districts being freed.....or in the middle of a revolution.  Thank goodness the districts were freed. And thank goodness for that epilogue!
9. A theory I posted on Mockingjay.net was that Gale was going to confess he loved Katniss before he was yanked out of the room when they were saying their good byes (THG, pg 40).  I was right on this one, as he was finally able to admit that his feelings for her changed six months before the reaping in the first book. I knew it, even if it didn't change the fact that she ends up with Peeta.