Friday, July 30, 2010
Don't go there
I'm usually pretty good at following my "don't go there" mantra, yes, the one I've been living for 40 years now. Party full of people I don't know - don't go there (not unless I'm with KT); mortal enemy frequents my destination (Starbucks, gym, bus stop, restaurant, church, etc.) - don't go there; gut feeling that I may get mugged if I walk down that dark alley by myself - don't go there. So why was it today that I decided to go somewhere, against my better judgment that was screaming "DON'T GO THERE!"? I went there, and perhaps now all the flood gates of everything 'don't go there' that I have been avoiding for the past six years will now come back to haunt me. Why on earth did I go there?!? It was painful. I should have walked away when I had the chance. Or I could have pretended I was deaf, or wasn't who they thought I was. With any luck my sunglasses did not hide the fact that my eyes were shooting daggers at his throat with every word that came out of his mouth. Was my horoscope off a couple of days because I could have sworn the challenging day that would require me to act gracefully was supposed to be two or three days ago, not today.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
How does my neck look? 7/29/10
I have been wondering about the 'additional testing' that I will be discussing with my ENDO in two weeks. I know that I have to do blood work to make sure my TSH is at the correct level (should be below .5, but the range thereof, I believe, depends on the doctor), and my Tg (Thyroglobulin level) and TgAb (Thyroglobulin antibody levels, if I have any) should be taken at the same time. My Levoxyl dosage may be increased or decreased depending on what my TSH is. I believe I'd have to do the blood work every 6 weeks until my TSH is at the correct level. If I have TgAb, then my Tg level cannot be used as a tumor marker. Not sure where things will fall for me on this one since they found evidence suggesting Hashimoto's in my right thyroid lobe, which I believe creates TgAb. Also, before RAI, the Radiologist told me that sometimes HCC doesn't create Tg. Hopefully I have measurable Tg and no TgAb.
I also know that depending on what the results of my WBS were, if they found evidence that the thyroid cancer cells were in another part of my body, then I'd have to do go through RAI again at either 6 months or 12 months. A PET scan would only be necessary if the HCC spread somewhere else in my body. What other tests could there be?!?
As for my scar, I decided to not put any sunblock or moisturizer, etc. on it for the past couple of days. The sporadic tingling along my scar has not been as noticeable, so I think I'll only put the sunblock on for those days when I know I will be out in the sun.
So tell me, how does my neck look?
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
WBS results...
It has been two weeks since my second WBS (July 12), and I had not heard anything from my ENDO, so I decided to email him to see if I had anything to worry about. His response:
Well, that reply seems to be worse than not finding out anything until my appt 2 weeks from now! It could still go either way, but the part about more tests is what worries me. And what's with the no major findings? Does that mean nothing showed up at all? Ugh! Then again, I guess it wouldn't be good form to be told over email that your cancer spread to other parts of your body, or perhaps that the RAI didn't work at all. Viv said she'd go with me to my appt. My mom will most likely want to come as well - the more support I have the better, esp if it is not so good news.
So, I guess all I can do is sit tight for the next two weeks. Holy smokes! - what kind of pain does my dad have to go through now so that I don't have to stress out over this for the next two weeks? He's already had the two worst health scares possible - heart bypass, minor stroke - on my behalf, so it seems. Hopefully nothing will affect him this time, or ever again. I don't think he could take any other health problems right now anyway. I know I couldn't.
I also have a ThyCa meeting this Thursday, so hopefully they can give me some insight into the cryptic response from my ENDO. I can feel a melt down coming on...
"there were no major findings. we will discuss some additional tests at your f/u visit in 2 weeks. thanks. Dr C."
Well, that reply seems to be worse than not finding out anything until my appt 2 weeks from now! It could still go either way, but the part about more tests is what worries me. And what's with the no major findings? Does that mean nothing showed up at all? Ugh! Then again, I guess it wouldn't be good form to be told over email that your cancer spread to other parts of your body, or perhaps that the RAI didn't work at all. Viv said she'd go with me to my appt. My mom will most likely want to come as well - the more support I have the better, esp if it is not so good news.
So, I guess all I can do is sit tight for the next two weeks. Holy smokes! - what kind of pain does my dad have to go through now so that I don't have to stress out over this for the next two weeks? He's already had the two worst health scares possible - heart bypass, minor stroke - on my behalf, so it seems. Hopefully nothing will affect him this time, or ever again. I don't think he could take any other health problems right now anyway. I know I couldn't.
I also have a ThyCa meeting this Thursday, so hopefully they can give me some insight into the cryptic response from my ENDO. I can feel a melt down coming on...
Monday, July 26, 2010
Photowalk 2010
I've been playing chauffeur to my parents the past couple of days. I was looking for something to do on Saturday so I had a reason to leave and come back for them, so my sister, Viv, told me about a worldwide event called "PhotoWalk", and luckily for me there were three locations for this event in SD. Two of the three walks in SD, ComiCon and Little Italy, were full.So I signed up for the walk in Ocean Beach (OB). We started at the OB Pier. I walked down by the beach then on some of the side streets and down a few alleys.
It was a lot of walking, but I think I got some pretty good shots on my camera and cell phone. Below are a few of my favorite shots:
I have not decided if I will submit any of my photos for judging.
It was a lot of walking, but I think I got some pretty good shots on my camera and cell phone. Below are a few of my favorite shots:
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| OB Pier (Nikon S60) |
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| Below OB Pier (Nikon S60) |
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| Seagull and cups (Nikon S60) |
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| Bike rack inside Jungal Java (EVO 4G) |
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| Motorcycles - poster fileter (EVO 4G) |
I have not decided if I will submit any of my photos for judging.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
What is 'normal'?
In my search for my new 'normal', I have come to realize that even my former 'normal' was not so normal since my thyroid issues had gone undetected for who knows how long. So I'm hoping that my new 'normal' will be a lot better than my former 'normal' was, because honestly, my former 'normal' really sucked.
I think I have mentioned before that many mornings I would wake up and really not want to do anything, no matter if it was a week day or a weekend. I had problems losing weight. My periods were never predictable for more than three or four months at a time. My energy level was never so great either, but I don't think I could really tell because I was taking a good multivitamin which kept me energized throughout the day. But I could never get a good amount of sleep, unless I was sleeping in on the weekend - that could have been work-related stress.
Now, post thyroid surgery, RAI, and on thyroid hormone replacement therapy, where am I? Well, my periods have not stabilized, yet. The weight issue is stable, but I still need to lose a considerable amount of pounds to get down to a healthier weight. Still have bad PMS - a lot more moodier. Energy level is sporadic at best; now when I try to nap, I can't seem to fall asleep most of the time. And the crying, where did that come from? - that is definitely new. And, I seem to have more hair falling off my head than I did before, luckily it is not in clumps. I seem to be less motivated than I was before. It is a sad state of affairs. All I can say is I hope things don't get worse, that this is as low as things can go for me so things can start to get better and I can reach a good, normal balance on everything.
How long will it take? I feel like I need a guarantee that it happens before I go back to work in September. I know, one day at a time, which is not easy when you don't know what day it is sometimes when you wake up each morning. Think positive. Think positive. I can get through this. I will be 'normal' again, and it will be a real 'normal'.
I think I have mentioned before that many mornings I would wake up and really not want to do anything, no matter if it was a week day or a weekend. I had problems losing weight. My periods were never predictable for more than three or four months at a time. My energy level was never so great either, but I don't think I could really tell because I was taking a good multivitamin which kept me energized throughout the day. But I could never get a good amount of sleep, unless I was sleeping in on the weekend - that could have been work-related stress.
Now, post thyroid surgery, RAI, and on thyroid hormone replacement therapy, where am I? Well, my periods have not stabilized, yet. The weight issue is stable, but I still need to lose a considerable amount of pounds to get down to a healthier weight. Still have bad PMS - a lot more moodier. Energy level is sporadic at best; now when I try to nap, I can't seem to fall asleep most of the time. And the crying, where did that come from? - that is definitely new. And, I seem to have more hair falling off my head than I did before, luckily it is not in clumps. I seem to be less motivated than I was before. It is a sad state of affairs. All I can say is I hope things don't get worse, that this is as low as things can go for me so things can start to get better and I can reach a good, normal balance on everything.
How long will it take? I feel like I need a guarantee that it happens before I go back to work in September. I know, one day at a time, which is not easy when you don't know what day it is sometimes when you wake up each morning. Think positive. Think positive. I can get through this. I will be 'normal' again, and it will be a real 'normal'.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Monetary motivation
I guess money does talk. The whole week I've been waiting for reimbursement checks for my chiro visits. Well they finally arrived today and sure enough, I quickly jump in the shower and get ready to deposit them at my banks. Until I remember the reason why I hate going to the banks.
No, it is not having to stand in line to make my deposits, that's not why. The reason I'm afraid to go into a bank these days is the rash of hold ups that happen each week here in SoCal. In fact the one I fear the most is this guy called the "Geezer Bandit" because he is dressed like an old guy, sometimes toting an oxygen tank with him as he holds up the bank. Now, I'm not too afraid to go one of my banks because it has 'bandit doors' set up which detect concealed weapons, but most of all prevents more than one person from leaving or entering the bank at a time - you can't just run in or out of the doors otherwise I think you actually are detained between the two entry doors. Pretty neat. My other bank, which is right across the street, doesn't have this new technology (they told me it is probably because the first bank I mentioned gets robbed a lot - actually not b/c I happen to know that almost all stand alone branches for that bank have this installed, come on, loss prevention! and safety for it's employees), so I worry the most whenever I have to go to this second bank. But, time is money, and the money needs to be deposited, so I should just go and take my chances, I guess. I haven't seen anything in the news lately about the "Geezer Bandit" and I think the last time he hit was about three weeks ago at a different bank in my community, so he's probably not going to hit another bank around here, but you never know.
No, it is not having to stand in line to make my deposits, that's not why. The reason I'm afraid to go into a bank these days is the rash of hold ups that happen each week here in SoCal. In fact the one I fear the most is this guy called the "Geezer Bandit" because he is dressed like an old guy, sometimes toting an oxygen tank with him as he holds up the bank. Now, I'm not too afraid to go one of my banks because it has 'bandit doors' set up which detect concealed weapons, but most of all prevents more than one person from leaving or entering the bank at a time - you can't just run in or out of the doors otherwise I think you actually are detained between the two entry doors. Pretty neat. My other bank, which is right across the street, doesn't have this new technology (they told me it is probably because the first bank I mentioned gets robbed a lot - actually not b/c I happen to know that almost all stand alone branches for that bank have this installed, come on, loss prevention! and safety for it's employees), so I worry the most whenever I have to go to this second bank. But, time is money, and the money needs to be deposited, so I should just go and take my chances, I guess. I haven't seen anything in the news lately about the "Geezer Bandit" and I think the last time he hit was about three weeks ago at a different bank in my community, so he's probably not going to hit another bank around here, but you never know.
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