When I got back from San Francisco Friday night, we went to Extraordinary Desserts for....desserts! The next morning, my brother and nephews started their half day journey back to their desert town in New Mexico. I thought I was going to get a lot of things done on Saturday, but I ended up in my PJ's the whole day, sleeping, watching TV, and falling asleep watching TV. I just was not motivated to do anything. I have not had one of those Saturdays since before my thyroid surgeries last May, so I am not so sure why I was having one of those days now, with all the meds I am currently on. Now it is Sunday night, or technically early Monday morning. I guess I need to get ready for the week.
I am not ready for this week. I am not ready to take my dog, Frankie, to the vet. I am not ready to let him go. But I also can't bear to hear him whine and struggle when he can't get up on his own. I still think of him as that happy puppy, having a good time in Golden Gate park on a lazy Sunday afternoon....on long walks at Fiesta Island.....eating food off Vivienne's fork while sitting outside of Crepevine.... how did that dog I remember turn into this dog that can't get up on his own? I think it may have started last year, around this time. I think I was projecting my own health issues on him. I didn't realize it until the pet communicator said he had a thyroid issue. When I had my surgeries in May, the poor thing had the runs, the whole month. He hasn't gotten better since last year. Have I done this to my own dog? Probably not, but it sure feels like it.
I just read Viv's post on facebook about having to make the decision about Frankie. I am SO sorry you guys are faced with this! What a wonderful dog, companion, best buddy. I am thinking of you guys and that sweet, sweet dog of yours. Hang in there, Flo.
ReplyDeletei know we are still up in the air about what to do. we've gone back and forth over this, and now we're going with the chiro/acupuncture just to see if it will ease his pain and his passing.
ReplyDeletei've been dreaming a lot about him lately, mostly just me interacting with him, letting him fall asleep in my lap the way he did when he was a puppy etc. but every once in a while, i catch myself looking into his eyes and suddenly getting the feeling of being "lonely and neglected, of feeling slightly pissed that i have to sleep in a stinky bed, that my replacement is already getting all of your attention". I know it's just me, projecting my own fears and discomforts into the Frank in my dream, but it still makes me feel even worse, thinking he might actually feel that way. I can't be there, not yet anyway, so please spend as much time as you can with him. Doggy self esteem and happiness is contingent on how much they think their pack leaders love them, so don't hold any of that back.
Wow. He is not neglected. And if he is, then so are the other two since I was out late all last week. So sue me. You must really think I'm a bad 'mom' to share all that with the world. Thanks, Viv.
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