I have not been told anything definitive yet regarding my neck ultrasound, but I can't help but think about the worst during these times when I have to wait for results or whatever. So, bear with me while I pity myself with some of my favorite 'realizations':
...that I can't hide from cancer anymore now that I have had thyroid cancer.
...that I will never lead a 'normal', carefree life ever again.
...that I should have done more research before I had my surgeries, asked more questions, gotten more tests done (like lymph node mapping).
...that although I feel so alone with my disease, there are a lot of us out there, even here in San Diego.
It is pretty clear to me that I need a second opinion on my neck ultrasound results, regardless of what my ENDO tells me next week. But I want to make sure all of his notes are forwarded to my second opinion ENDO before I make that appointment. What I need to know from my second ENDO is that my current ENDO knows what he is doing - would her treatment plan be similar or possibly more aggressive?, and what would be her plan of action for the unidentifiable tissue on the right side of my neck? I remember the conversation I had with her a week or so after my second surgery, she said she was surprised they didn't do a neck dissection to get lymph nodes since I had PTC on the right side. Maybe she would've done some lymph node tracking after the first surgery, just because cancer was already found on the left side? I just need fresh eyes on this. I just need to know that my treatment is going in the right direction. Would she do FNAs on the three benign lymph nodes that showed up after RAI and on the ultrasound last month? What would she do about my FT4 being above range? I have so many questions for her.
To add to the craziness going on with my neck, now I have to also consider having a Dacrycystorhinostomy (DCR) so that my left eye will stop tearing up on its own?!? At my eye appt on Friday, the referral doc also tried to clear my obstructed left tear duct. It was more painful this time, and he tried to clear both (upper in addition to lower) ducts. Something rolled down my check into my left ear. He said it was a white mucus like substance, from both ducts, probably a low grade infection. He said the only way to stop my eye from tearing is to have a DCR done. Then he drew some pictures and explained what the surgery entails. Outpatient, of course. An incision would be made between my left eye and my nose, he'd break the bone at the top of my nose so the tears could be rerouted to flow down that way. 5% of the time scar tissue can form to close the hole, and is only correctable by another, similar surgery, to re-open it. My odds have not been so good since my fat neck roll turned into ThyCa last year, so I can't imagine that I would not be a part of that lucky 5%. I was able to do a little research on this procedure. It can also be done through the nose with an endoscope.
He said said someone will call me on Monday to set a surgery date. I really don't want to have this surgery - isn' there another way to fix my leaky eye? I was thinking that maybe I could put it off for a while, that maybe my left eye would be good for a while since I felt something drain down the back of my throat while my left tear ducts were being stabbed. But today I had to pat my left eye dry several times. So I may have to seriously consider having a DCR, but not before getting a second opinion, and hopefully from someone who can do the endoscope version, and has done MANY of them. And, not before finding out if I need to have any thing done on my neck due to my ultrasound findings.
So not only do I have to deal with thyroid brain fog, which I am getting a lot now (it has even occurred while I was on a few conference calls with my boss!), but now I have to deal with a leaky eye? Put those two together in a meeting, and it looks like I'm not able to function. Good thing my two days in Monterey Park this coming week were moved to the week after. But that could also be a bad thing because by then, the leaky left eye situation could have gotten a lot worse. It could be an interesting distraction.
So, how lucky am I? We are not even in February yet and my year has already started to suck!
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