One year ago today...

On this day last year my left thyroid lobe was removed. I was nervous. I had to walk down a few hallways to get to the OR. Thank goodness I didn't have to take off my underwear.

It was the start of my thyroid cancer journey. When my surgeon spoke to my mom after my surgery, he told her that everything went well, and that he didn't think it was cancer. But, that wasn't the story my pathology report told a week later when my ENT told me that my 3.2cm tumor was indeed Hurthle cell carcinoma. He said I could seek a second opinion, but all I wanted to know was how soon could he remove the rest of my thyroid, and when would I have my RAI treatment.

I still can't believe all that I had to go through in the past year. The uncertainty. The fear. The emotions. That reminder on my neck that I no longer have a thyroid. That pill that I have to take every day now for the rest of my life. Everyone telling you that things will be alright and having a hard time believing it. The upheaval in my life. There is only so much preparation one can do for these types of things. And even when you think you know everything, you don't. This journey is different for everyone, no matter what kind of cancer you have. I felt like I was marked for the rest of my life, like my thyroid cancer was always going to be hanging over my head, that I couldn't do anything but live in fear of my cancer. I see where that kind of thinking was wrong because I know now that life does exist after thyroid cancer.

One thing that is certain is that it can come back. If I could choose between having every side affect from RAI and thyroid meds with the guarantee of it never coming back v. having clean scans and blood work (TSH, FT4, stimulated Tg, TgAB) for 25 years but it comes back all over the place, I'd take the latter. I'd prefer to enjoy my life now, really take it in, so that when it finally came back, I knew I did everything I wanted to do and had no regrets. So sure, come and get me. I see nothing good about suffering with side affects for the rest of my life, even if it never came back.

One day at a time, one year at a time. I still don't know everything about my cancer. I'm still not done battling my cancer. But I have survived a year now. That is something.